Much to simplistic, seems like you are to focused on sex. Not that sex isn't important it is, but the real fire that binds two people together is love, affection, and trust, you can have the best sex life anyone has ever experienced but if you can't communicate honest or openly with your mate, the relationship will soon fade. To many relationships start with just lust and end after a brief fling. Your topic was long lasting relationships not how to rekindle lust. A long term relationship is not built upon strict physical sexual behavior but is a package deal of the mind/body/spirit I couldn't of said it any better, good sex is in the mind. Love, respect, affection, trust, a gentle hand, a kind word.. that's all foreplay. The mind makes the body hot. Gentleone you are very wise! If I need therapy or spelling and grammar advise, I'll call you. Good Luck Coach!
Great reply and I appreciate your opinion.
I think you miss understand what I am saying. Yes you are correct that it is the whole package. You can look at individual parts of a relationship, but it is the some of thses parts and how they all work together that makes it work.
Agree that a relationship is not all sex. I will disagree that you have best sex without communication, too have truly great sex you MUST have geat communication.
I will diagree with you with what really binds a relationship. The fact of the matter is you will not develop love afection intimacy to bind anything together without sex. Biology 101, there is a male sex and a female sex, we are driven biochemical towards each other. This drive varies in strength from person to person, but it is very much a sexual drive.
If you remove sex from the equation , sure you can have love, great communication, and affection. I habe many relationship like this with my friends, my mother and father, my brother, my three wonderful childern etc... I even have that with my dog.
However, none of these is a sexual relationship. I you're seeking a relationship with a lover, it is very sexual. The lust factor or wow factor is key. I do not know many people that date someone that they are not phsyically attracted too. That attraction is a very complex biochemical response that we still do not fully understand today. Without that response you'll have nothing or if you try, it will eventually fail.
You are mistaken if you thought I was saying the sex was the biggest thing in a relationship, it is not. However, it is the single most important thing. Without it you'll not even entre the relationship in the first place.
What I am pointig out here.. is if you let the sexual passion die in the relationship, the relationship will most likely die. Without sex you have a friendship only. I do know about you, but in a relationship, I want a hell of a lot morethan just a friend and companion, don't you?
So couples must learn to feed the fire in the relationship and yes that is sex, but in my books ou can NOT seperate sex without communication, the two go hand in hand.
As a professional coach I work together with the athletes to keep them in the zone so that they can perform at their best. It takes great communication, respect, belief and both of us to work together to make this happen. However, it still doesn't always happen, but we usually fix it and get it there. The zone is a biochemical response and so is the lust factor.
I believe like the zone, the lust factor can be kept alive forever if both people work on it together! It takes two to tango.
Sex feeds sex, sex feeds intimacy, sex feeds romance and sex feeds love.
Intimacy feeds sex, intimacy feeds romanace and intimacy feeds love.
Romance feeds love, romance feeds intimacy and sex.
Love is based on the moments we share, it could be a moment of:
a moment of need
a vacation moment
a moment of respect
being there in a moment of need
This list can go on, but you get the idea.
However, if you lose the sex, then you'll lose the moments of sex,intimacy,lust,romance. All you'll be left with is perhaps a friendship.
This is simple yet complex. Perhaps this will better articulate my thoughts for you.
None of these stand on there own, they are all part of a the package.
Another area that most of us error in, is that we select relationship with our personality opposites. This is affects communication and personality opposites do not communicate effectivelyt with each other. There basic wants and needs are too different. We need to be with personalities which are more a like. There are dates services which do personality matches. Eharmony is on of them. More and more coporation are doing personality profiling to make sure they get the right match for the job they are hiring for. This is the tool guidence councillors use to help students make the right career choice.
You are free to go to anyone you want to my dear for therapy. The first thing oyu learn as a teacher, coach, councillor or therapist is that you can only help those who wish to learn or be helped. I only work with the ones that are willing.